apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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