Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
