idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
