all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
