Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
