I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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