News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
