I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
