I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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