five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
