What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
