last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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