I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
