I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
