I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
its not stalking. its research.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
