i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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