youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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