i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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