I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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