if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
