my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
