when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize