And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
