My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Someone signed my nipple.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
