Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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