i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
