Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
there was a trapeze. enough said
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
