Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Boobs speak an international language.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
