apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't trust your balls anymore.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
