he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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