need another drink. this is the easiest way
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
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she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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