Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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