You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
organizing the empties. That sober.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
