So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
