PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
