I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
