I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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