At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
