That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
