This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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