Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
