I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
