So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
