new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
