Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
