I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
