I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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