the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
