I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
