it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
