Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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