You're completely useless in the revolution.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
