Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
