I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
