Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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