you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
