Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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