it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
