Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
