just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
