They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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