Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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