They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
