Grow some girl-balls and come out already
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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