using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
