apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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