you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im part way to drunk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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