12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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