Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
