if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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