How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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