I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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