Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
