remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
