Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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