Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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