She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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