wanna go halves on a baby?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
